The addiction of chasing the ‘highs’

Last week,

I have caught myself actively day-dreaming about packing my bags and going far, far away, to my safe haven – the mountains – the mighty Himalayas.

I was pretty serious about packing bags during this chaotic period of the COVID-19 outbreak. In fact, I romanticized the idea of traveling so much that I felt alive at that moment. I logged into my flight bookings app and pretty seriously, I started checking for the flight tickets. There it is, again! The rush of doing things that feel insane. I was bored of this monotonous life. I was bored of the regular 9 to 5 job I was working, the regular routine I had. For me, traveling is the drug that gives me that instant dopamine hit. For some, it is, that ping of the phone when a loved one texts them, for some, it’s the mighty ‘greens’, for me, it is traveling – the big escape from the boring reality.

I had been checking for fail-proof ways to travel and how to manage money while I embark on this wild goose chase of finding peace. Suddenly, it hit me. Where’s peace?

Is it found on the peaks of those Himalayas that I dream of, day in and day out?

Do I find it while traveling with bare minimum necessities and do the dare-devil acts I have mentioned in my other blogs? (To read what I have done, click here and here).

Do I find it while sitting in the airplanes probably safeguarding my face with that N95 mask and literally bathing myself in the alcohol-based handrub?

I started asking myself – Is this how people find peace? By chasing the highs mindlessly?

Then I got my answer. I do love traveling. But sometimes, the reason why I love traveling, as I claim, is to find peace. But deep down, my heart craves for that adrenaline rush, that dopamine hit, that feeling of high in my nerves.

There’s nothing wrong in craving a healthy dose of dopamine. But there must be balance in everything we do.

In fact, all my life, I have been chasing those highs – excelling in academics, bunking the classes like a boss, being that impulsive backpacking girl in a relatively dangerous culture, falling in love with a rather distant, irresponsible man who would always drop those mixed signals like it’s his job.

Those dopamine hits when I got my college certificates with DISTINCTION typed in block letters, when I bunked my classes and was called the ‘COOL/CRAZY’ girl of the campus, when I met new people and climbed those mountains on my own, when the man I fell in love with, threw tiny, tiny bits of love at me, at times. (Of course, I ended up being hurt after the breakup).

Where did I draw the line? Did I find peace?

This time, I did draw a line. I have decided to stop chasing highs in the name of ‘finding peace’. I paused, took a few deep breaths and cherished what I have.

You may ask what I have?

Peace.

The feeling of finally ‘AT HOME’.

The wonderful bunch of people who I am proud to call ‘MY PEOPLE’.

The people who text me on Instagram saying that they can resonate with what I write.

That feeling of carelessly sprawling on my bed, listening to the lovely songs on my playlist.

The noises of the kids downstairs in the evening when they play. Usually I used to not pause and observe. But once I started observing them, YES, they are funny and adorable.

Sometimes, you need not chase the highs, you need not scoot somewhere far, far away… in search of peace.

Your peace is right where it has always been.

WITHIN YOU… ❤

AROUND YOU.. 🙂

Pause and notice the little things that make you happy.

Love,

Monica.